When families come to me after a loved one’s death, looking for justice, it’s because something has gone wrong. It can be after discovering a will that doesn’t make sense or learning that assets have disappeared. When this happens, they want someone to listen to the full story. They want a judge to look at everything that happened and say: “You’re right, this was wrong.”
I understand that need completely, but I want to sound a note of caution. A trial might not be the place where that happens.
What Happens at Trial
People often imagine the courtroom as the place where the whole story finally gets told. In reality, a trial is very limited in what evidence is presented. It is not a forum for hashing out the history of a family relationship, the dynamics that have built over decades, or the grief behind the dispute. Some of that history may be relevant and admissible, but much of it won’t be.
A trial is expensive, slow, and uncertain. Each party can spend anywhere from $50,000 to $100,000 or more in legal fees, before accounting for expert witnesses, geriatric specialists, and capacity analysts that complex cases often require. Colorado’s trial courts are busy, which means cases are scheduled months, sometimes over a year, in advance. And the work doesn’t end with a verdict. There are potential appeals, post-trial motions, and the practical work of enforcing any judgment you receive.
None of that is a reason to avoid a trial when a trial is right. But it is a reason to be clear-eyed about what you’re walking into.
Why People Resist Settlement
I’ve had the conversation many times where a client hears the word “settlement,” and something in them recoils. It feels like surrender, like accepting less than what their parent deserved, or letting someone who did something wrong walk away without real consequences. If they were willing to fight, why should you be the one to back down?
That feeling is understandable. But I’d ask you to consider what “winning” at trial means in practice. Even after a verdict in your favor, you may walk away financially diminished by the cost of getting there, emotionally exhausted by the conflict, and no closer to peace than when you started. In my experience, people rarely leave a trial feeling the satisfaction they anticipated. The costs, financial and otherwise, have a way of coloring the outcome.
Settlement is not the same as saying what happened was acceptable. It is not an admission that you were wrong to fight. It is a decision about how you want to spend the next chapter of your life, and whether you want that chapter defined by a courtroom.
What Mediation Can Offer
In Colorado, mediation often isn’t a voluntary option; courts will generally mandate mediation before a probate case proceeds to trial. That tells you something about how seriously the legal system takes it as a path to resolution.
The mediators who handle probate disputes in Colorado are often retired or senior judges. They are people who have spent careers inside exactly these kinds of disputes. They understand the stakes, the legal standards, what damages look like, and who is realistically responsible for what. When a seasoned former judge sits across from both parties and tells them honestly what a trial might look like, that carries weight that no demand letter or attorney conversation can fully replicate.
Mediation gives everyone a chance to be heard in a way that a trial, with its rules of evidence and procedural constraints, sometimes doesn’t. A skilled mediator can surface what people truly need (not just what they’re asking for) and help shape an agreement that reflects that. It isn’t a perfect process. In my experience, no one leaves mediation completely happy. But then, no one rarely leaves a trial completely happy either. The difference is that mediation gets you to that imperfect resolution without the years of cost and conflict that precede a verdict.
The financial comparison is stark. Where trial preparation and proceedings can run well into six figures per party, mediation (including filing the settlement agreement with the court) typically costs between $5,000 and $10,000, split between the parties, or often less.
When Trial Is Still the Right Answer
I want to be clear: I have no reluctance about going to trial when the facts call for it. When there is strong, clear evidence of fraud or undue influence, then a trial can be the right and necessary path. These can be cases where a fiduciary has plainly misappropriated assets, favored themselves over beneficiaries, or mismanaged the assets entrusted to them. Sometimes, the other side won’t negotiate seriously. Sometimes, the principle at stake matters more than the financial calculus. Sometimes, upholding what your loved one wanted is worth it.
The question to ask isn’t whether you could go to trial. It’s whether you’ve genuinely explored what mediation might accomplish first.
A Different Kind of Resolution
The families I’ve watched reach mediated settlements don’t always feel triumphant afterward. But many of them feel something more important: the ability to move forward. The story, at least legally, has an ending.
If you’re facing a probate dispute and trying to decide whether to fight or settle, I’d encourage you to have an honest conversation with an attorney before deciding. You want to understand clearly what each path looks like and what each one costs.
We recently held a free webinar to discuss the true cost of going to trial, which you can watch on our Resources page. Understand what going to trial really means: the financial, emotional, and time costs most people don’t anticipate.
